Ex-Lovers and Their Deluge of Affection, Cravings
Because it is a strong affair, many spouses keep secret dates with their exes. They hardly do a day or two without “checking on” each other online in bids to stay in touch. They appear more tolerant and affectionate after breakup than when they were dating or in marriage. It is not funny to see the so-called “incompatible partners” and “quarrelsome spouses” getting fond of their exes despite being in separate relationships.
A pretty woman was sent parking because she refused to severe the cord of intimacy with her ex-lover. She got married in her early 40s as a single mom, but she was fond of spending long hours on the phone with her former boyfriend who, after years of dating, abandoned her and went to marry another woman. However, despite pleadings by her parents, family and friends the principled man bluntly refused to yield ground. Fuming over his wife’s indecent behaviour, the man felt insulted and taken for a ride by his wife for indulging in an act of emotional infidelity. According to him, “some women are so shameless and disgraceful. They easily forget their years of groaning in loneliness. I told my wife that if your ex-lover whom you dated for five years loves that much why did he abandon you and get married to another woman? Still, you’re always on the phone with him fixing date under my roof. I willingly released her to become his side-chick full time. My principle is that once we stop dating or you’re out of my life as a wife through separation or divorce, except for something that concerns our children or maybe, God forbid, in a life threatening situation, I have no business staying in regular contact with you.”
Major factors accountable for why ex-lovers or former spouses keep trailing and tacitly desiring their exes are noted as follows:
- When they are unhappy in the new relationship because it is not working as expected.
ii). When they’re not emotionally connected to or satisfied with their new partners.
iii). When they’re not romantically fulfilled or they discover some nauseating character flaws in their new partners.
iv). When they feel a void of intimacy, friendship, attention, care and companionship. These are potent elements that could make ex-partners desirable.
v). When in need of crucial help and support that the new partner decline or not able to offer. And perhaps the ex is kind, supportive and empathic.
vi). When family and friends still relate warmly and identify with the former spouse. Such an extant relationship is highly valued in African culture and it could influence the exes becoming fond of each other again.
vii). When religious, ethnic and cultural affinity count more in favour of the former partner.
viii). Loneliness could make someone eats the humble pie by reconnecting with the ex, especially if such an ex is not attached.
Personally, I do not see anything wrong in being friends with one’s ex-lover or former spouse provided it does not involve any form of commitment or string attached. And in cases where children are involved, only purpose-driven communication should be permitted. Incessant calls and needless tête-à-tête should be disallowed outright. However, if both ex-lovers are still unmarried and they suddenly get fond of each other, it is understandable. It is possible that pulling apart was necessary to make them appraise the relationship, discover the areas to work on and thereby appreciate each other the more.
That some people do not value what they have until it is lost is a fact of life in relationship. It is also a statement of reality in other human endeavours. After divorce, some exes discovered that their folly and act of intolerance had cost them their homes. This is usually the case when they encounter worse scenarios now than in their former marriages.
Micheal West
No comments